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Reflections

September 8, 2016

I've had a pretty crappy week to say the least and I really fancied something comforting and warming for breakfast this morning.  As I was standing over the hob making a yummy bowl of porridge I decided to load it up with raspberries, bee pollen and honey to give myself a yummy, indulgent bowl of goodness. 


As I opened the cupboard to grab the ingredients I spotted a packet of Oreos and it took my mind back to the concoctions I used to whip myself up for breakfast and all the junk I used to put into my body with the excuse 'it fits my macros'.

 

A typical bowl of oats would include at least chocolate, banana, oats, flavoured whey, a protein bar, maybe a drizzle of syrup.  It was, in essence a sugar laden bowl of crap.  But because the numbers added up at the end of the day it was fine!

 

I think back to that self and I feel sorry for her.  Following a crowd of #IIFYM and #foodporn took over and I was eating all this junk in abundance because everyone else was and i thought it was making me happy.  in reality I felt awful.  All the sugar was messing with my skin, my sleep was awful because I was constantly on a caffeine high with the endless bulletproof coffees and pre workouts.

 

Something clicked about 6 months ago.  Something that meant I didn't have to justify myself and my choices to anyone anymore.  I stepped away from the scales.  I stopped weighing myself and i stopped weighing and counting everything that passed my lips.

 

I made conscious choices to make me feel good.  I cancelled my gym membership, I cancelled my nutrition coach and I embraced the real me.

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