I've had a pretty crappy week to say the least and I really fancied something comforting and warming for breakfast this morning. As I was standing over the hob making a yummy bowl of porridge I decided to load it up with raspberries, bee pollen and honey to give myself a yummy, indulgent bowl of goodness.
As I opened the cupboard to grab the ingredients I spotted a packet of Oreos and it took my mind back to the concoctions I used to whip myself up for breakfast and all the junk I used to put into my body with the excuse 'it fits my macros'.
A typical bowl of oats would include at least chocolate, banana, oats, flavoured whey, a protein bar, maybe a drizzle of syrup. It was, in essence a sugar laden bowl of crap. But because the numbers added up at the end of the day it was fine!
I think back to that self and I feel sorry for her. Following a crowd of #IIFYM and #foodporn took over and I was eating all this junk in abundance because everyone else was and i thought it was making me happy. in reality I felt awful. All the sugar was messing with my skin, my sleep was awful because I was constantly on a caffeine high with the endless bulletproof coffees and pre workouts.
Something clicked about 6 months ago. Something that meant I didn't have to justify myself and my choices to anyone anymore. I stepped away from the scales. I stopped weighing myself and i stopped weighing and counting everything that passed my lips.
I made conscious choices to make me feel good. I cancelled my gym membership, I cancelled my nutrition coach and I embraced the real me.